getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
