yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
