the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
