Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
