I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
