I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
