Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
