My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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