the condom got lost in my hair
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
