Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
