Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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