On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
