I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize