twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
