Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
