Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
