you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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