Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
