I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize