I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
