My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
