The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
