Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
