I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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