Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
