somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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