To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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