Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
