Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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