In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
