Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize