i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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