sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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