that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
