i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
