Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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