We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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