Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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