I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
