Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
