I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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