He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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