You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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