Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
