I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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