Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
