If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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