It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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