She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize