Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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