i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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