ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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