I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
