and i looked up. we had an audience...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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