i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize