how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
