I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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