Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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