I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
