Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
