fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
