That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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