You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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