I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
