doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
