Ambien. No doubt about it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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