apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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