Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
