I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
