i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
