a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
