can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
