Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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