Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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