Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
