So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
