my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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