i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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