We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
