Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ttyl tear gas
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
